Saturday, September 25, 2004
messed up--
heyy.
life is just flowing again.
or issit ?
i dunno.
and i seriously don't care.
okok.
so i messed up.again.
and the best part ?
i think i messed up big time.
urghs.
sometimes i think my life is just one huge rollercoaster ride.
my life can honestly be a huge pane of glass.
tons and tonnes of broken spots.like all the relationships that've been broken and ruined over the years.
its actually all quite sad.
my fault definitely.you know my characteristic stubborness.refusal to admit im in the wrong.
well yeahh.you get the point already.
and guess what ?
i suddenly had this guilt pang sorta thingie--decided i should start over.
you noe.ask for forgiveness.that sorta thing.
wierd ritee ? don't ask me how it ever happened.
cos i dunno.
honestly.
it was like totally out of nowhere.
hahs.
so i've been like picking up the broken shards of glass that are lying about.
like all over the place.
guess i should have known that it wouldnt be easy.
*ironic laughter.
tell me about it mann.
i've just been licking my wounds these few days.
yeahh you guessed it.
i've cut myself like a million times picking up those glass pieces.
now i noe why my mumie says not to play with glass ?
oh yarh manns.
well.
screw my life larhs.
life goes on.
but you noe what.
im gonna have to face reality one of these days.
and the stark nakedness of tht truth hurts.
stings reallie reallie bad.
cos im facing it already.
without even looking for it anymore.
it still chasing after me.
guess im just gonna have to turn around and face it.
im strong.
but just not tht strong.
doesnt anyone understand tht.
cant anyone see tht im struggling here.
fighting with my inner demons.
and choking on all my personal steps.
no.
not even my closest friends understand.
they think its some kinda joke.
well.fine.
i'll laugh along with you guys.
but you noe what.
im dying inside.
hurting like nobody's business.
but i'll laugh.
laugh for your sakes.
what a wonderful time it is.
indeed.
i shall smile at the storms.
hahaa.
what an irony !
; rachh
2:30 PM
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